(with thanks to the London Times and various other worthy publications)
*** PEACE
DEAL IN FRANCE? The leaders of Imperial France have reportedly
offered
their Revolutionary foes a ceasefire pending negotiations, which
can
only be seen as positive by Englishmen sickened by the bloody war
ravaging
across our Channel. Whether these overtures were prompted by Lord
Southville's
lightning visit to the Imperial Court, or whether by the
recent
purge of a handful of high-ranking rebel leaders, who can say.
SQUIDS
IN SquidDance's popularity rages on, on both sides of the
Atlantic,
and now it is joined by a new show, SquidDance II: The Power of
the
Tentacles. Another Sullivan / Fulbright production, it fits basically
the
same format as the earlier show, but is lighter in tone. This one will
run
and run... In other news, Mr Sidney Weaver's play Ants and The Man has
gone
to America, where it has been received with fully as much bafflement
as here,
and God and Anti-God is touring the provinces to mngled
controversy
and acclaim. (by our Theatrical Correspondent)
TROUBLE
IN RUSSIA The long honeymoon of the Communist government of
Russia
seems to be at an end, with civil unrest spreading throughout the
land.
Monarchist sympathies thought long dead, nationalist tendencies in
the
farther-flung provinces, disloyalty in the armed forces, logistical
mix-ups,
suspicion that the government is divided amongst itself and has
assassinated
prominent dissidents, and success by the Turks in Armenia have
all
combined to shake the regime which last year looked as secure as any in
Europe.
As Mr Karl Marx himself might say, the tensions inherent in a
politico-economic
system might take time to express themselves, but express
themselves
they eventually will.
IMPERIALS
DEFECT The forces of the French Empire have been hit by
desertions
this year, with persistent rumours circulating that their
commanders
are a nest of devil-worshippers. This may all seem rather rich
given
that the Revolutionary forces are led by General Perisson, about whom
exactly
the same things have been said in the past. The independent Khiron
Commission,
headed by Mr Ferdinand Lancelot Gaboon, is looking into
allegations
of battlefield atrocities, and it is hoped they speedily
achieve
results.
FIRST
WOMAN LAUREATE In a break with the centuries-old tradition,
the new
Poet
Laureate is Mrs Julianne Breca, née Fulbright, a surprise but popular
choice.
Mrs Breca, wife of Foreign Office mandarin Sir Kit, is best known
of course
as the librettist of SquidDance, and for her 'Poems on the
Omnibus'
scheme. Supporters of Mr Rudyard Kipling, the favoured candidate
of many,
have described him as 'exceedingly disappointed'. It is thought
that
Mrs Breca's recent publication of a volume of romantic odes, inspired
no doubt
by her engagement, and a long poem written from the point of view
of a
talented but aged artist looking back over his career, tipped Her
Majesty's
opinion in her favour.
*** PRUSSIA,
EMPIRE INVADE FRANCE In scenes hitherto unwitnessed on the
fields
of Europe, the mighty armies of Prussia and Byzantium have combined
to drive
into Alsace. Both Revolutionary and Imperial French forces have
recoiled
before them, and quite what is going on here is anybody's guess -
with
propaganda offices one day saying the invaders seek to restore the
Emperor,
the next saying they are aiding the Revolution. With Kaiser
Wilhelm
currently spending some time away from Berlin on holiday, seasoned
Teuton-watchers
are hazarding guesses that Chancellor von Essen's grip on
power
is firmer than ever - particularly with the recent expulsion of the
Kaiser's
mysterious French lady-friend from Court.
WARRANT
OUT FOR ROSS Rogue politico Sir Derek Ross, who fled the country
nigh
on a decade since with corruption charges pending against him, is now
the
subject of a manhunt in the Far Eastern colonies, suspected of
responsibility
for the plague of vampirism that has been causing such
trouble
in those parts. Lord Southville's initiative against them was this
year
led by Mr Tamworth-Smith and Sir William Bang, and the troops have now
cleared
our colonies of the blood-sucking foe - although there was one
tragic
incident, at a small village called My Lai, when over a hundred
innocent
locals were killed under the impression that they were vampires.
DARKENFORD
NETS ANOTHER PRINCESS Mr Peter Darkenford, whose first wife
Princess
Amalie of France died tragically giving birth to their son, has
now
laid aside his mourning to wed again, this time to the Spanish Infanta
Maria,
younger sister of Crown Prince Ferdinand. Mr Darkenford, whose
French
home was this year the target of a vicious attack by French
revolutionary
partisans aided by mercenaries and a troop of mysterious
armour-clad
knights, is now in the fortunate position of being the
brother-in
law of one monarch and the son-in-law of another.
STONE
THE CROWS Disgraced inventor Mr William Stone, whose Stone
Wave
devices
have seriously endangered the health and happiness of the entire
nation,
is seeking to win his way back into the public's good graces with
the
Stone Initiative, an appeal to the government to invest more in
teaching
and education in rural areas to help the young plan for their
years
ahead. Very fine sentiments, Mr Stone, but thanks to your
life-jeopardizing
inventions they probably have rather fewer years ahead to
plan
for.
VENI,
VIDI, BICCI Mysterious Florentine widow Signora Carlotta di
Bicci
hosted
the finest parties in Italy last year, with the King and members of
the
Government among the many notable guests. Signora di Bicci, an investor
in the
tourism and film industries who has been in secluded mourning for
the
last two decades, is well connected with our Green friends, having one
of them
as a son-in-law: her half-human, half-Green grandchild, a strapping
young
lad / squid, is a fine advertisement for the rewards of cooperation
between
the two species.
*** AUTOMATON
MENACE: ALL BECOMES CLEAR At last the puzzle of France is
cleared
up, with Prussian, Byzantine and British forces combining with both
kinds
of Frenchman to attack an army of automatic clockwork men, lurking in
the
Massif Central. Who is responsible for the construction of these
menacing
items, nobody seems to know, but we can be confident that the
might
of European military technology will not take long to clean them out.
GREAT
TRAIN ROBBERY In a development that has baffled seasoned
Orient-Express-watchers
up and down Europe, the continent's best-loved
luxury
train has disappeared. It entered the Simplon tunnel, on its way
from
Switzerland into Italy, and developed engine trouble. The passengers
were
evacuated back along the line to Brig, and while they awaited the
arrival
of workers to repair the engine, the train simply vanished from
within
the tunnel, along with driver Mr Harold Cleghorne.
IT-FILMS
REGENERATED The Italian film industry, devastated by the
anti-Stone
Wave backlash, has revitalized this year with its adoption of
Lord
Maguire's hitherto-despised Cinema-to-Graph technology. Lord Maguire
has
entered into partnership with film mogul Signora di Bicci, producing
among
other delights a spectacular about his lordship's recent visit to
Mars,
starring the talented young British-American actor Mr Charles
Chaplin.
The scene where Maguire, having crashed into the remote Martian
canal,
is forced to eat his own boots is worth the price of admission by
itself,
such is the giddy mix of pathos, wonder and humour.
*** AUTOMATA
SMASHED, HUMANITY SAFE We can all breathe again, thanks to
the
prompt and effective action of the leaders of Europe. France is even
more
of a blighted wilderness than it was this time last year, but at least
we are
not all set to be murdered in our beds by cunning clockwork fiends.
Three
cheers for Chancellor von Essen, Emperor Constantine and Lord
Southville!
A LETTER
TO THE EDITOR "Sir, I must protest in the strongest terms
against
the libellous and fanciful allegations that have been levelled
against
the noble Order of the Poor Knights of Christ and the Temple of
Solomon.
These are ludicrous fabrications and an attempt to divert the
attention
of the faithful away from the dreadful events of these Last Days.
I would
not be surprised if they were not the work of the same scurrilous
rumourmongers
who accused the very Archbishop's chaplain of participating
in a
Black Mass the other year. I say to you, forget this nonsense and look
to the
purity of your own hearts lest they be found wanting on Judgement
Day!
Beware the Beast! Yours faithfully, Sir Parsifal von Schwartzlich."
The
Editor responds: do something about the plank in your own eye, 'Sir
Parsifal',
before you seek to draw our attention about the mote in ours.
Why
this secrecy as to your location and identity, if you have nothing to
hide?
FREE
SCHOOLS FOR ITALY After last year's introduction of a nationwide
healthcare
system, the Italian government has now pioneered free education
for
all the country's children to the age of 16, with means-tested grants
for
those who wish to study further. Quite how the public purse is paying
for
all this remains something of a mystery, but the Italian economy is
likely
to prosper mightily with a healthy, well-educated workforce. Lord
Southville
has promised that similar measures will be in place in this
country
by the turn of the century: the nation waits to see whether he can
deliver.
ORIENT
EXPRESS REAPPEARS, 'SABRE' BLAMED In a baffling twist to the
Orient
Express story, the train has now reappeared within the Simplon
tunnel,
safe and well, after an absence of nearly a fortnight. Driver Mr
Harold
Cleghorne, also safe and well, insisted that the masked vigilante
known
as 'Sabre' was to blame: apparently the well-known criminal savagely
attacked
him while the train waited in the tunnel, and he knew no more.
MOIRA
IS SAVIOUR'S SISTER Yes, the plucky Irish lass has completely
convinced
this correspondent, at least, that she is none other than the
incarnation
of Rachel bar Joseph, sister of Jesus Christ. In an extensive
interview
she satisfied all of my doubts. As a result, this will is the
last
column I will be writing for you: I am leaving The Times to preach
Rachel's
gospel to the heathens of South America. (by our recently-resigned
Religious
Correspondent)
HONOURS
ALL ROUND Prime Minister Lord Southville has taken the
opportunity
of the Birthday Honours to reward some of those who have served
Britain
well. Prominent women's rights agitator Lady Catherine
Trippinghurst
is granted an Earldom in her own right; war hero Captain
Jonathon
Hazelmere, recipient of the Victoria Cross, is elevated to the
peerage;
and so is noted private investigator Miss Charity Wells, althogh
quite
what she has done to merit such recognition is by no means apparent.
Lord
Southville has also taken the opportunity to reshuffle his Cabinet,
replacing
Sir Hugh Janus with prominent NWO leader Lord Hamilton as Foreign
Secretary,
and appointing promising newcomer Mr William Tamworth-Smith, who
has
quietly risen to leadership of the influential Munday Club of
back-bench
MPs, to the long-vacant post of Home Secretary. Cynics are
speculating
that Lord Southville is trying to stuff the House of Lords as
full
as he can of 'Charlie's Cronies', in case he wishes to pass any more
controversial
legislation.
RED DUST
PHENOMENON STRIKES AGAIN This year London, Paris, Munich, Venice
and
a number of Martian towns suffered the curious 'rain of red dust'
phenomenon
seen at Bicester last year, which has so baffled meteorologists.
MARTIAN
EMBASSIES Britain and Italy have established embassies on Mars,
now
that the capability to reach our neighbour planet has been perfected.
Cultural
exchanges, and gifts of the best of Earthly art and craft, have
been
the order of the day. "I shall keep this brief, ladies and gentlemen,
as we
have important work to complete. All I would like to say at this
historic
moment is that am honoured to be of service to both these proud
countries
as they extend the hand of friendship between planets. I would
also
like to take this opportunity to thank Signora di Bicci, for without
her
vision and commitment, no such feat would be possible." So spake Lord
Maguire,
as he accompanied the embassies aboard the MaryAlice II.
SITUATION
VACANT The Times seeks a new Religious Correspondent -
journalistic
experience ideal, vehement atheism essential if you are to
retain
this challenging post.
A LETTER
TO THE EDITOR "Dear Sir, From my experiments with grafted apple
stock,
and the transplantation of limbs and organs, I have come to the
conclusion
that a transplanted plant or animal is, obviously, no less alive
because
one branch or ear or whatever is not its own - in the same way that
a human
with spectacles or a wooden leg is no less human. What difference a
mechanical
leg (as proposed by Captain Hazlemere)? Or an entire mechanical
body,
with a mechanical mind inside! What defines a living being - the
ability
to feed, to move, to grow, to reproduce? A mechanical creature
could
be capable of all these - in ways that may seem strange to us, no
doubt,
but the ways of the clam and the ant and the apple tree seem strange
to us,
too, and no one would say they are less alive. Indeed, a mechanical
being
with the gift of rational thought might be considered more alive than
these
simple creatures - the equal of humankind itself!! Yours faithfully,
Mr Charles
Darwin." The Editor responds: or alternatively it might be
considered
a nightmarish clockwork menace.
NEW DETECTIVE
AGENCY This booming industry continues to thrive, with a
new
agency opened by Mr Ferdinand Lancelot Gaboon, proprietor of the famed
Flying
Circus.
PRINCESS
TO WED? Persistent rumours circulating in the tiny state of
Liechtenstein
hint that its beauteous Princess Arabella is to wed next
year,
with favoured candidate for groom being the enigmatic inventor Comte
Bertrand.
WORSE
THAN THE DISEASE? Hamilton Industries has launched another
new
automatic
man, the Tock1911, an improved version of last year's Tock1900
hunter-killer
automaton. It is designed to scour France for renegade
automata,
despatching them with a cheery "Au revoir, mon cheri". A few have
also
been given to Lord Southville to help deal with the vampire menace in
Indochina.
'COLOSSUS'
UNVEILED Enigmatic inventor Comte Bertrand has revealed his
greatest
creation yet, the giant steam man known as The Colossus - towering
over
London, it can swim, walk and fly through air or space, with a crew of
over
100, and is large enough to carry all his previous steam creations in
its
arms without undue effort.
WEAVER
SNEAKS IN The by-election for the seat of Putney, vacant after
the
death
of Sir Magnus Munday, has seen a surprise victory for Equity
candidate
Mr Sidney Weaver, playwright, reformer and slayer of Count
Dracula,
who conducted a determined 'below-stairs' campaign and garnered
the
bulk of the vote of the numerous servants and menials of this
prosperous
area. This result may well cause other Tory MPs who thought
themselves
safe to look over their shoulders. Mr Weaver has wasted no time,
assuming
the leadership of the Equity group in Parliament and appointing a
Whip.
TRANSPORT
OF DELIGHT The Marquess of Salisbury has unveiled the largest
private
carriage ever to be seen on the streets of London, pulled by a team
of eight
horses. Remarkable for the six large black boxes fastened around
its
sides, the carriage has great difficulty turning in some of the city's
narrower
streets, but with the Marquess being the leader of society that he
is,
we can be sure everyone will want one just the same.
CITY
UNDER THE SEA Noted public benefactor Lord Armstrong has constructed
an underwater
habitation, named 'Britanis', at an undisclosed location
beneath
the North Sea, suitable for the indefinite maintenance of life.
BABIES
ALL ROUND Lady Athena Chelmsford has been delivered of a healthy
girl
baby, and in a unrelated development Baroness von Poelzig has given
birth
to a son.
KING,
PRINCESS TO MARRY - EACH OTHER In a move that has surprised
even
seasoned
Munich-watchers, young King Paul of Bavaria has announced that in
the
New Year he is to marry his own twin sister, Princess Perdita. This
unlikely
(and illegal in most countries) match is made all the stranger by
the
fact that the royal couple are only ten years old. One hesitates to say
it,
but given that their father King Otto was renowned for the delicate
balance
of his mental temperament, blood may be starting to tell. What a
relief
for us that our own dear Queen was sensible enough to marry her
first
cousin, not that she had any brothers anyway of course.
RECENT
PUBLISHED WORK "There's a little woman poet to the south of
Hampstead
Heath / And that she should be our Laureate is quite beyond
belief
/ ..." (from The Eye of the Little Yellow God: Or, Envious, Me?, by
Mr Rudyard
Kipling)
MORE
BOMBS ON MOON Moon Base Alpha has been dogged by security worries,
with
several of its buildings destroyed by explosion. A purge and clampdown
are
now under way, announced spokesmen for Comte Bertrand's Steam Inc
organization.
RESPECTED
ENTERTAINER KILLED The Honourable Auberon Wylde, Master of
Obfuscation,
prestidigitator to the crowned heads of Europe, has been found
dead
at his home in the former St George's Church, Limehouse. Mr Wylde has
been
ripped limb from limb, as though by some savage beast, and the
manuscript
of the novel he was working on, entitled Sarah through the
Looking-Glass,
was rammed down his throat. His scientific laboratory had
been
completely destroyed. Police confess themselves baffled.
BOOTH
SCANDAL "Yes, 'General' William Booth, founder of the
holier-than-thou
Salvation Army, has a secret skeleton in his closet. The
Ham
& High has learned from a close childhood friend that Booth was not
always
such a 'saint' as he now portrays himself. When at Harrow School,
aged
14, 'Wicked William' once received half an hour's detention for
'accidentally'
breaking a window in the refectory! And this is the man who
tried
to lecture us on whether we can drink alcohol or not!" (from the
Hampstead
& Highgate Gazette)
EQUITY
FOR ALL Mr Giuliano d'Aventine, tireless proponent of the
Universal
Equity movement, has announced an international conference to be
held
in Geneva next year, as well as conducting a speaking tour at which he
spoke
compellingly of the necessity for Equity principles to be embraced
everywhere,
stressing that this must be achieved by peaceful change rather
than
revolution. Given that the vaguest notion of democracy is still alien
to most
of the governments of Europe, one cannot but feel that Mr
d'Aventine
has some way to go before his dream is realized.
NAVAL
GAZING FOR ITALIANS The Italian navy, long the joke of the
Mediterranean,
is to be expanded and modernized under a new initiative of
Minister
of War Giuliano d'Aventine.
AN ADVERTISEMENT
"Man can travel to the stars and the depths of the
ocean,
however for the first time man can leave the confines of the
underwater
vessel and walk freely, von Giffard brings you the Triton suit,
man
can become at one with fish."
AN ADVERTISEMENT
" "Now I will believe / That there are unicorns, that in
Arabia
/ There is one tree, the phoenix' throne, one phoenix / At this hour
reigning
there". And so from the flames of the Pegasus rises the Phoenix, a
passenger
Heavier than Air Craft, God bless all who sail in her."
GIFFARD
KEEPS BUSY Noted inventor and philanthropist Mr Henri von Giffard
has
had a productive year, rolling out an underwater suit and also
developing
his Pegasus heavier-than-air craft concept into a much larger
passenger
model called the Phoenix. A large chunk of the profits from this
venture
will go to the Pegasus Foundation, which has already done so much
good
for the poor of Prussia.
RELIEF
FROM EQUITY Mr Sidney Weaver, leader of the Equity group of
MPs,
has
announced a new relief effort for those affected by the release of
weapons
of mass destruction, particularly in France. This charitable
endeavour
has received generous support from kind folk all across Europe.
A WHOLE
NEW BALL GAME Players and spectators alike at the recent friendly
football
match between Christian Rovers and Greyfriars School were amazed
to see
Rovers' creative GOC midfielder ThT&u pick up the ball in his
tentacles
and run to the far end of the pitch, swerving past defenders with
a shimmy
of his numerous hips, to score an 'effort'. Bemusement was soon
replaced
by enthusiasm, and the new sport of 'Squidby' is now catching on
like
wildfire.
*** NATION
MOURNS PRINCE OF WALES Prince Bertie, as all his parents'
subjects
knew him, died in a tragic hunting accident in Yorkshire. Becoming
separated
from the rest of the hunt, he tumbled from his horse, being
unlucky
enough to land on a carelessly-placed pitchfork and then to roll
into
a water-filled ditch. Valiant attempts to revive His Highness,
valiantly
led by the Right Reverend Reverend Wright who was on the same
hunt,
proved in vain. Tragic Princess Kathy, devastated in mourning, has
placed
young Prince Georgie, now heir to the throne, in the care of beloved
family
friend the Archbishop of Canterbury for his tutoring and raising.
NEW MESSIAH
- IT'S OFFICIAL Representatives of the three united churches,
speaking
for 90% of the world's Christians, have examined the new Messiah
and
concluded that he is 'the real thing'. "All Christians should repent
and
turn their eyes towards Jesus, who shall be visiting this land under
Christian
protection some time in the near future," announced the
Archbishop
of Canterbury. "Tear down your false idols of technology and
democracy,
abase yourself before God along with your fellow faithful, GOCs,
Militia
of the Lamb, Church authorities and the Royal family, reject those
in the
press, politics, workplace, your own family which try to dissuade
you,
false prophets and blasphemers the lot of them," he added. Religious
hysteria
is too mild a term for the scenes which greeted this announcement,
with
up and down Europe previously sensible people renouncing the ways of
the
flesh and heaping their heads with ashes. The Pope has called for a
mass
pilgrimage to Jerusalem, echoed by Patriarch Photios. Here the feeling
is that
the Messiah speaks with an English accent, and the new hymn "He's
coming
home, he's coming home, he's coming... Jesus's coming home" has been
heard
at every church up and down the land.
SHAMAN
HOLIDAY Mrs Aramintha Savage, proprietress of the noted special
school
(which this year gained the Green ambassador YuT#ng as one of its
governors)
has invited a group of South American shamans to visit with her
in Buckinghamshire,
where their outlandish feathered head-dresses and the
discs
inserted into their lips have not failed to spark discussion among
the
locals.
MORIARTY
MIGHT Professor Moriarty, ruler of the West African utopian
state
of Accra, has increased that realm's armed forces to near advanced
European
levels, and been proclaimed Generalissimmo.
JESUS
IS MALE AND FEMALE SHOCK The new Messiah, in one of his more
intriguing
pronouncements, has declared that he contains within himself
both
male and female nature, and so in a very real sense can be considered
the
Daughter of God as well as the Son - and thus his own sister. This
updating
of the Trinity for a modern gender-egalitarian age has been hailed
by women's
rights campaigners.
SOCIAL
REFORMS PRESS ON Lord Hamilton, that tireless campaigner, has
been
adding
art galleries, theatres and other stimulating things to his urban
developments,
hitherto characterized by rather more mindless forms of
entertainment.
"I was much moved by Mr Weaver's play God and Anti-God,"
explained
his lordship. "If we are to give our people any comfort we must
have
a care to set their souls free from the machine; not tie them to it.
Material
comfort is nothing without the chance to develop the spirit." Amen
to that!
says The Times.
*** MESSIAH
MARTYRED ONCE MORE The new Messiah, sent by God to bear away
all
our sins, has been killed in Jerusalem. Onlookers described how a look
of ineffable
peace came over her features, her hands dropped into her lap,
and
she whispered "Father, they know exactly what they're doing!", then a
shimmering
human shape materialized out of the clouds in front of her and
hewed
her head off with a big shiny sword. The Messiah's body turned
instantly
to dust, which drifted up to Heaven. Quite what all this means to
the
Christian faith is still being hotly debated by theologians. Rumours
that
a small group of Knights Templar were seen in the area can only add to
the
suspicion surrounding this shadowy Order.
TAMING
THE THUNDER USA-STYLE New technological developments in America
have
seen industrial pioneers Messrs Cadillac, Chevrolet and Chrysler
establishing
new plants up and down the East Coast for the purpose of
'harvesting
the lightning'. Using the British ThunderTrap design, lightning
storms
are captured and stored, so that the lightning can be released when
needed,
particularly helpful for processes such as welding and refining
metal.
The process also has the benefit of distracting electrical storms
away
from cities.
DEATH
BY CHOCOLATE Tragedy struck this year at Mr Gaboon's famous
chocolate
facto
ry,
with over a hundred orphans being accidentally poisoned by a spoilt
batch
of sweeties. "I have no idea how it happened," said the clearly
distraught
owner.
SALVAGE
OPPORTUNITIES The new Mecca for salvage businesses is the central
African
city of G'harne, where recent rumours tell that large deposits of
assorted
metals are to be found lying about or close below the surface. The
scrap-dealers
of the world are converging on the site.
LUNATIC
ESCAPES Residents of Epsom and the surrounding area are warned
to
be on
the lookout for lunatic Miss Sarah Savage, who has escaped from the
Coltrane
Institute, killing several warders on her way out. Police have
indicated
that she is likely to be extremely violent and dangerous,
particularly
around the time of full moon.
GOING
OFF WITH A BANG Midsummer night in Hyde Park saw the biggest
firework
display ever witnessed in Britain, courtesy of Sir William Bang,
who
generously provided food, shelter and entertainment. Members of the
Royal
Family and the Government were in attendance, and were heard to cry
"Oooh!"
with the best of them.
NAUGHTY
OR NICE This Christmas thousands of children across the country
were
surprised to wake up to find that Santa Claus had brought them an
extra
gift, in the shape of a tiny pet gremlin-looking creature. By Boxing
Day
parents up and down the land were tearing their hair out at the
creatures'
mischievous antics, but the children certainly love them, and
they
seem innocent enough, for all their naughty ways.
NORTH
YORKSHIRE GOC-FREE ZONE The Greens are not welcome everywhere,
and
the
area around Langley in Yorkshire is being kept well clear of them by
the
bully-boy antics of a group of armed thugs. The Times can only condemn
such
intolerance in the strongest terms. Italy, too, has seen anti-Green
agitation
this year, and newspapers (not this one, it must be said) have
been
carrying anonymous adverts with repugnant slogans such as "You can't
even
trust the government, so why trust the GOC?", "Keep Earth for the
Earthlings"
and "What're slimy and get up your nose? Greeners!"
*** MILITARY
COUP TOPPLES GOVERNMENT, ROYAL FAMILY SEIZED A stunned
Britain
woke today to find itself under military government, Parliament
ousted
and Her and His Majesty, the three Princesses and little Prince
Georgie
seized and whisked out of the country. "This measure was necessary
in view
of the Government's incompetence in the face of threats from the
Continent,"
said Field-Marshal Lawe, spokesman for the new military regime.
Is it
that simple to overturn eight centuries of Parliamentary democracy?
asks
The Times. It would appear so, as very little has actually changed for
the
man on the street, and the coup has been near-bloodless in its
execution.
So far...