(with thanks to the London Times and various other worthy publications)
ITALY
GETS THE HEALTH BUG The Italian government has announced the
formation
of a National Health Service, providing free healthcare for all,
new
hospitals and clinics, and national registration of doctors and nurses,
including
the nationalization of existing sanatoria and sanitaria. The
Times
applauds this progressive measure, but winces to think of the tax
burden
that it must be placing on the Italian citizenry.
BARON'S
BASHFUL BRIDE Everyone's favourite sawbones Baron Klaus Wolfgang
von
Poelzig was in London again, this time with his blushing new Bavarian
bride
- and what a beauty she is, with rich auburn hair the like of which
has
not been seen in town since the glory days of Elizabeth Siddal,
although
she kept her head modestly covered for the majority of occasions.
The
couple attended SquidDance, as every visitor to London must, and also
visited
with the Marquess of Salisbury on his Shropshire estates. It is
thought
that later in the year they will be holidaying on the Italian
Riviera,
with the rest of the bon ton. (from How Do You Do? magazine)
NEW DOCTOR
IN TOWN Englishman Dr James Dawson has set up in practice in
Krankheitstraße,
after last year marrying a local girl. Let us hope that he
can
bring some of the latest British medical techniques to Munich, to the
benefit
of us all. (from the Suddeutsche Zeitung)
*** SOUTHVILLE
GETS IT RIGHTS! The controversial Bill of Rights sailed
through
the Lords unopposed, despite widespread expectation that
reactionary
elements would block it. Lord Southville had hastily sworn in
400
new peers to help his majority, and purely coincidental dock and
railway
strikes had prevented many peers from making it in to the sitting,
then
those who made it that far had to run the gauntlet of a peaceful
suffragette
protest organized by Lady Catherine Trippinghurst, but even so
it seems
amazing that there was not even one dissenting voice. So with the
Bill
now having received Royal Assent, we wake up this morning in a new
Britain,
one in which all men and women have a voice, one whose regions are
not
neglected, one where our noble traditions and our zest for the future
are
judiciously admixed. We can face the coming new century proud to be
British!
BANGING
OUT DRUGS The Hamilton-Bang Corporation has turned to drug
production,
taking over the patents of Sir William Bang's range of
medicines,
and supplying them at minimal profit to hospitals up and down
the
land. What a fine gentleman Sir William is, to be sure.
THEATRICAL
REVIEW Mr Sidney Weaver's new play, 'God and Anti-God', is
a
deeply
disturbing venture, on which history will no doubt pass its own
verdict.
It is certainly a far more mature work than last year's jejune
'Ants
and The Man'. Best described as occupying the territory between
'Faust'
and 'Frankenstein', seeing this play will certainly change your
life
- whether for better or for worse remains to be seen. Mr Henry
Irving's
performance in the role of Dr Flauten is just the latest in a
series
of tours de force from this rightly popular actor. (by our
Theatrical
Correspondent)
TAMWORTH-SMITH
PUTS IT ABOUT New MP for Southampton Mr William
Tamworth-Smith
has not left it long before gravitating towards the centre
of power
on the Tory benches, the 'Munday Club' - that group of MPs led by
Sir
Magnus Munday, who represent (if anything can be said to) the
conscience
of the Conservative Party. Mr Tamworth-Smith has succeeded in
wooing
a number of 'Traditional Conservative' rebels back into the party,
with
his insistent 'only the guilty need fear' message, and seasoned
Westminster-watchers
are frankly baffled that he has not been appointed as
Home
Secretary - or, failing him, anyone at all, for Lord Southville seems
to believe
that the police, court and immigration services will simply run
themselves,
despite all evidence to the contrary.
MARTIAN
BUGS This winter saw everyone coughing and sneezing with what
has
been
dubbed 'the Martian flu', the result of the fact that we now share our
atmosphere
with Mars. Fortunately it proved harmless, and it must be said
that
something of a fresh, sandy flavour is now present in the air. The
planets
seem to have stabilized in their new configuration, sharing their
three
moons in a complex set of orbits.
*** NEW
KING FOR BAVARIA In a brief but moving ceremony in Munich's
Frauenkirche
cathedral, young Prince Paul, son of the late King Otto, was
crowned
nineteenth king of Bavaria, with his second cousin Grand Duke
Magnus
Eisengrim acting as Regent until he reaches the age of majority.
There
was a slight disturbance during the ceremony, when the crucifix
suspended
above the altar spontaneously burst into flames as the little
lad's
brow was anointed with the holy chrism, the sky turned black,
lightning
struck the steeple, and a chorus of groaning metallic voices
crying
"No, no" echoed all around, but other than that the investiture went
perfectly.
The young King immediately announced that he was seeking suitors
for
the hand of his twin sister Princess Perdita, although as she is only
nine
years old this might be thought a little premature. Prussia has now
withdrawn
all of its troops from Bavaria.
RETURN
OF MAGUIRE Colonel Sir William Maguire, interplanetary pioneer,
has
returned to Earth in after a two-year sojourn on the Red Planet. He at
once
went to visit the Queen, ready with exciting tales of his exploits,
and
was dubbed Lord Maguire by a grateful Sovereign.
FAREWELL
TO MAGUIRE "... and so we bid adieu to Sir William, our dear
friend
these past two years, as he rejoins his fellow-humans. May his
thmeep
never twardle." (from the Schiaparelli Spectator, the leading
Martian
newspaper, insofar as it could be translated into English)
AN ADVERTISEMENT
(over a whole double-page spread of The Times, on
Midsummer's
Day) "All in a dream... all in a dream... the loading has
begun."
D'AVENTINE
SPREADS THE WORD Italian Foreign and War Minister Giuliano
d'Aventine
has been touring Europe this year, preaching the gospel of
Universal
Equity, a banner behind which he hopes to unite all the
progressive
movements of the continent. He has been deep in talks with Mr
Sidney
Weaver, mainstay of our own British Equity Party, and with
revolutionary
elements in France, but has been less well received in
Prussia
and Bavaria, both of whom have complained to the Italian government
about
his inflammatory speeches, calling for universal adoption of the sort
of rights
now taken for granted in the more forward-looking nations.
RED DUST
OVER BICESTER The sleepy Oxfordshire market town woke up to
find
itself
covered with fine red dust, baffling locals who at first thought it
might
be some sort of Martian efflux. However analysis revealed that dust
to be
powdered dried seaweed, which must presumably have been swept up into
the
sky by freak weather conditions, in the manner popularly associated
with
frogs.
*** ONE
CHURCH TO RULE THEM ALL The Church of England, Roman Catholic
Church
and Greek Orthodox Church have united as equals. In a joint
statement,
Archbishop Smyth-Carruthers, Pope Leo XIII and Patriarch Photios
said
that in the light of GOCs proving life on other planets, the claimed
arrival
of the new messiah, planetary movements, the spread of vampires and
other
apocalyptic happenings, the long-standing theological differences
between
our various shades of Christianity had become increasingly
irrelevant
and trivial. They now stood as a united Christian front, three,
one,
and all, as united equals. On theological grounds it could be equated
with
the Holy Trinity, three in one and one in three, different but equal.
The
Times applauds this gesture of tolerance and understanding: not since
the
days of the early Church fathers have we all been singing from the same
hymnsheet
to this degree. We can but hope that the united power of faith of
so many
millions of worshippers around the world can cause wonderful things
to happen.
(from our Religious Correspondent)
PEGASUS
LAUNCHED A gala reception, studded with Prussian notables
including
Kaiser and Chancellor; a spectacular light show; an unveiling, a
demonstration.
Then the following speech: "I am pleased to show my
invention
to the world. Perhaps it will go some way to correct some of my
wrongs.
I am not an evil man, I wish to invent something which will change
the
face of the world. This machine will achieve that. The machine will be
available
to all who want it, at a reasonable price. All profits from the
sales
of the Pegasus will be put into helping the poor and needy of
Prussia,
money will go into setting up a scholarship scheme to all those
who
cannot afford to go to university, money will be used to set up soup
kitchens
to provide free food for those most needy. In short Pegasus will
provide
for us all." This was how Mr Henri von Giffard announced his
invention
of the Pegasus, the world's first heavier-than air flying
machine,
bird-shaped, steam-powered. Oh brave new world, that has such
people
in it! (from our Science and Technology Correspondent)
PRIEST
KILLED Popular Catholic priest Father Marcus Galloway, of St
Jude's
Church in Highgate, has been found hacked to death in his
confessional
box, with the words "Despair, oh God that I have loved, God
that
has mocked me!" written in his blood on the cobbles.
STATE
EXPLODES Manufacture of the new EXPLODE missiles has been taken
over
by the new Prussian State Munitions Company, and the missiles
themselves
are being manned by specially-trained troops in silos at
locations
of extreme secrecy.
HOLY
SISTER ON EARTH? An Irish peasant girl, Miss Moira O'Hara,
is
claiming
to be the incarnation of Jesus's sister Rachel, a knowledge
vouchsafed
to her in a series of visions. Visions seem to characterize the
affair,
as this correspondent has also received images of the girl,
baffling
in nature but clear as to their message. According to 'Rachel's'
family,
noted socialite Mr Sunil Laing has been instrumental in ensuring
her
recognition. It takes more to prove divine origin than hugging a few
lambs,
though, and as far as The Times is concerned the jury is still very
much
out. (from our Religious Affairs Correspondent)
SKULK
OFF, D'AVENTINE! "... back to your swampy lagoon city, and
away
with
your foreign notions of 'democracy' and the like. Our Bavarian ways,
our
monarchy and our Parliament of the Burgesses, have served us well for
centuries,
and we have no need of foreign radicals preaching to us on how
to run
our constitution!" (from the Münchener Tagesblatt)
LIFE
ON MARS "...on Mars men and women are treated with exact equality,
with
no discrimination between them either legally or socially. We think it
very
odd that this should not be the case on Earth. It may have something
to with
the fact that Green women do not bear children in the same way as
humans,
and do not have to feed them as infants: instead we lay eggs, which
are
tended by both parents. Marriage is not as fixed on Mars either,
typically
lasting long enough to bring any children of the union through
infancy,
then each partner moving on to a new spouse, although still
looking
to the biological parent for providing for / advising the children.
Green
women can keep on laying eggs throughout their lives, which are
rather
longer than humans'. (from the new column by female Green journalist
Rrrthk,
in the Minerva Times)
SHARK
SMASHES STEAMPUNK MAFIA The notorious crime organization has
been
dealt
a heavy blow by London vigilante The Shark, who caught over a hundred
members
in a disused warehouse planning their next wave of crime and
terror,
and torched the building, killing all within. "While we cannot
condone
The Shark's actions, outside the law as they were, we have little
sympathy
for the deceased either," said a spokesman for the Charlies. He
might
have added, particularly when there has been no Home Secretary for
the
past two years. (from our Home Affairs Correspondent)
TEMPLARS
EXPOSED The Knights Templar stronghold at Llandovmyvarthers,
on
the
Welsh border, has been raided by Shropshire yeomanry, liberating three
young
local women who were being held against their will by the noxious
Baphomet-worshippers.
A great deal of material on the heretic order was
seized,
and it is hoped that charges will soon be brought against its
leaders.
A LETTER
TO THE LITERARY REVIEW "Dear Sir, I see the unpleasant duty
falls
to me once more to stand up for this island's cultural values. I
refer,
of course, to the giddy abomination that is 'SquidDance' - a tawdry
cheapening
of all that is great and good about our cephalopod neighbours. I
say
nothing of the music, that is not my affair. But as Laureate I can and
must
speak up for the English language, which we have in trust for our
descendants.
The libretto, penned by that feminine poetaster Miss
Fulbright,
is nothing but banal doggerel of the worst kind, and I fear
deeply
that exposure to it will thoroughly coarsen the sensibilities of the
British
audience, rendering them unable to appreciate the beauties of verse
of true
quality. Yours faithfully, Alfred, Lord Tennyson."
FOOTBALL
NEWS "... the newest outfit to join the league, the Savage
School
XI, performed remarkably well for a team of youngsters. Their
goalkeeper
is possessed of remarkable acrobatic skills, captain Billy Smith
seems
to have a near-telepathic understanding of his players, winger Reggie
Goulding
is always popping up where the opposition least expect him - often
without
apparently having moved through the spaces inbetween - and star
centre-forward
Archie Leach has positively uncanny ball-control skills,
being
able to bend and swerve the ball through the tightest of spaces,
without
necessarily having actually touched it. It is thought that
big-spenders
Wimbledon are after some of these star names of the future, to
parade
before their already capacity crowds at Plough Lane, but Mrs Savage
has
done a good job of encouraging loyalty as well as high standards in her
misfit
children, many of whom would be shunned at ordinary schools because
of their
disfiguring eye, fingernail, forehead or tail-bone conditions. A
number
of prominent public figures have joined the school's Board of
Governors
in support of her work." (from our Sports Correspondent)
PEGASUS
FOUNDATION With the profits from the mighty Pegasus flying
machine,
Mr von Giffard has established a charitable foundation, providing
free
scholarships, soup kitchens and hostels, and a chain of charitable
shops,
across Prussia. Has the supreme dealer of death really turned over a
new
leaf? It certainly looks like it.
*** FRENCH
HORRORS The year started well for the Revolutionaries, with
more
mass desertions from the Imperial armies, and an assassination
campaign
against Napoleonic commanders. The Spanish government sent troops
to help
the Empire, but they were recalled to deal with a plague of rioting
that
broke out across Spain itself. Italian mercenaries came to help the
rebels,
and the Pope spoke in their favour - whether this had anything to
do with
the French Antipope Clement XIV resigning in his favour, who can
say.
But it seems the Imperials had just been biding their time before
unveiling
the most diabolic weapons of destruction, the likes of which have
been
seen previously only on a one-use scale. Nice and Geneva have suffered
from
the infamous 'rain of fiery death' weapon, but this year the whole
central
tract of France was ravaged by monstrous lakes of boiling fire
which
opened up and engulfed entire rebel towns and armies. Spiralling
pillars
of fire, seeming almost to have a horrid intelligence about them,
erupted
inside rebel headquarters and consumed every group of
revolutionaries
they could find. Napoleon has driven the rebels back into a
mere
rump of a state, but at what cost? - the conquered ground is a blasted
ruin,
inhabited only by crazed peasants who persistently mutter of a third
army
that is coming to wipe both Imperials and Revolutionaries from the
face
of France, a cleansing sword of an army, brilliant in its efficiency.
HERMANN
WAS A GERMAN This year saw the foundation of the Arminius League,
named
after the Latin name of the chieftain who destroyed the Roman army of
Varus
in the Teutoburger Wald back in 9 AD. Organized by 'Grand Master' Mr
Karl
Fischer, the Arminius League is a patriotic fellowship organization
for
all German peoples, holding festivities on national holidays, picnics
for
members and their families, and beer festivals at which everyone wears
short
leather trousers and sings patriotic songs. Although the League is a
rather
reactionary organization, supporting the divine right of the Kaiser
and
abhorring democracy, it seems to have none of the unpleasantly bigoted
and
violent tendencies which characterize the Aryanist Movement, and it is
to be
hoped that it will replace that rather loathsome body in the
affections
of patriotic Germans.
GREEN
AMBASSADORS The Greens have now set up embassies with all major
nations,
and are welcoming Earthly embassies on Mars, as soon as someone
works
out how to get there safely.
TALPIUM
ON SALE The latest wonder-metal, invented by Mr Zappatore Talpa
the
extremely obscure Italian engineer, Talpium is capable of resisting
extraordinary
levels of temperature. It has been snapped up in quantities
by furnace-makers
and the like.
BANDIT
HIDEOUT RAIDED The lawless fortress of Rennes-le-Chateau, near
Albi,
was raided by government officials, and a number of miscreants held
for
questioning, including three Britishers. (from Vive la Revolution!, the
main
organ of the rebel French state)
*** IT'S
THE TORIES AGAIN As widely predicted, Lord Southville called
a
snap
General Election after the passage of the Bill of Rights, and as also
predicted
he has won a comfortable majority. The new House of Commons is
55%
Conservative, 20% Liberal, 15% NWO, 10% Equity - the only surprise here
being
the performance of the NWO at the expense of Equity. If the
government
lasts a full term, the Conservatives will have achieved the
longest
spell in power of any party since our Parliamentary system began,
thanks
mostly to the tremendous volte-face they have executed on
constitutional
policy.
SHARK
CHANGES TACK London vigilante The Shark has announced that
he will
be seeking
new targets from now on. "No more the petty villains, now I feed
on their
corrupt paymasters, the bloated pustules on whom this country is
battened,"
said a note found pinned to the body of Judge Anthony Grimslade.
Criminal
psychologists opine that this indicates that the life of danger
The
Shark has led has cracked his mind, driving him over the edge into
criminal
activity himself, becoming the thing he loathes. It may even be
that
he is suffering from what is popularly known as 'a split personality'
and
during the day leads a perfectly normal life, unaware of his night-time
excesses.
EXCEEDINGLY
GOOD POETRY Mr Rudyard Kipling, whom some will remember from
his
poetic forays at the height of the 'omnibus' scheme, has returned to
the
pen, with a new volume of poetry published from India. His move to the
subcontinent
- a trip he undertook after some secret disappointment in his
personal
life - has transformed his verse from that of the callow youth of
a few
years ago. His latest collection speaks with true maturity and
wisdom,
straight to the heart of the meanest of readers.
STRONG
RESERVATIONS The US Government has agreed to hand back in
perpetuity
large tracts of valuable land to the Indians it has hitherto
been
systematically dispossessing. Quite what has brought this change of
heart
about is unclear, but it may have something to do with the recent
visit
of Mr Sunil Laing to Washington: after his meeting at the Bureau for
Indian
Affairs, to which he presented a large ornamental totem-pole and a
symbolic
calumet full of some strange smoking-herb, Bureau officials
appeared
notably dazed and confused.
SQUIDS
IN ON BROADWAY The SquidDance show has wowed New York audiences
just
as thoroughly as it did (and is still doing) those in London, with
additional
new material penned by local songwriter Mr Stephen Foster - 'I
Dream
of Greenie with the Light Brown Tentacles' is particularly fine.
Meanwhile,
back at home, the show has staged a Royal Command performance,
at which
Their Majesties and the two princesses were vastly entertained,
and
word is that author Miss Julianne Fulbright is to wed in the New Year,
to Foreign
Office mandarin Sir Kit Breca.
NEW LEASE
OF LIFE FOR CHELMSFORD Lord Chelmsford has been like a man
transformed
this year, full of energy, having lost a good deal of weight,
and
with a big smile never far from his face. He has thrown himself
wholeheartedly
into Green affairs, serving as the Houses of Parliament's
main
liaison with them, and serves on the boards of numerous Green-related
charities.
Can this be related to rumours we hear that his wife, the lovely
Athena,
maybe expecting a happy event? Let us pray so! (from How Do You Do?
magazine)
A LETTER
TO THE LITERARY REVIEW "Dear Sirs, Once again my esteemed
colleague
Lord Tennyson has seen fit to deride our efforts to bring poetry
to those
who would otherwise have no poetry in their lives, claiming that
it should
be the exclusive preserve of the privileged few. For shame, sir!
Should
the pleasure of the rhyme and metre of this language be confined
only
to those born to the purple, or at the very least into the leisured
classes?
Should the housewives and workers of this land not be allowed to
hear
the measured words tripping off a poet's tongue, or to have their mind
expanded
while on an otherwise tedious journey on public transport?
'SquidDance'
has educated and entertained thousands on thousands of people,
from
the lower and upper classes alike; it has brought our Martian friends
closer
to the public, many of whom would otherwise doubtless have been
scared
of the unknown. If you, personally, have not enjoyed it then that is
a shame;
but, so far as I am aware, the Laureateship does not carry with it
the
crown of arbiter of taste for our nation. I have, this year, invited
Their
Majesties to a special performance of SquidDance. Perhaps we should
let
them decide whether the show appeals or not? Yours faithfully, Julianne
Fulbright."
WATCH
OUT, VAMPIRES The Prime Minister has declared war on the vampires
of south-east
Asia, and has travelled out there himself at the head of a
stake-wielding
army to deal with the problem. The idea is to demonstrate
that,
despite the greater autonomy allowed to the colonies under the Bill
of Rights,
Britain will continue its benevolent paternalistic attitude
towards
them. Far be it from The Times to criticize Lord Southville (now
that
he is so popular - ed.), but it does seem something of an
over-reaction
to become so personally involved in quelling the
superstitious
fears of the primitive peoples of the region. Apparently Mr
Tamworth-Smith
and Sir William Bang are also involved in the project.
TOWN
PLANNING The cities of Newcastle, Glasgow and Birmingham are
the
latest
to benefit from the social approach to civic development pioneered
in Liverpool
and Manchester. "One day everyone will live like this," said a
pleased
Lord Hamilton as he watched the latest tower blocks being erected.
FEMALE
JOURNO FOR TIMES "... so the Thunderer has finally moved with
the
spirit
of the age, and taken on its first female reporter, Miss Leigh
de'Rarticle,
formerly employed by the Minerva Times. About time too! (from
The
Observer)
PIGEONS
BACK CULT? London's pigeons, usually thought of as cynical
and
greedy
birds, seem to have got religion of late. Visitors to Trafalgar
Square
were surprised to find that, during the night, what must have been
millions
of the industrious avians had voided their bowels in such a manner
that
the excreta spelt out the message "JOIN 'THE APPROACH TO GOD', IT'S
REALLY...
INTERESTING" in six-foot high letters. It is rumoured that
Scotland
Yard is already looking into this mysterious organization.
LEVITICAN
ARMY DISBANDED The scourge of witchcraft up and down the
continent
has fallen apart through lack of interest this year, with leader
Karl
von Stück speaking for all when he said that he no longer had any
strong
feelings about the matter.
TRAGIC
DEATH OF LAUREATE Alfred, Lord Tennyson was found dead at his
breakfast
table, having suffered an apoplectic seizure. A copy of the
morning's
Literary Review, open at the letters page, was clutched in his
hand,
in a grip which could not be broken. Doctors hypothesise that Lord
Tennyson,
who was known to have a weak heart, may have read something in
the
magazine which shocked or startled him. Now we are bereft of the
colossus
who has bestridden English poetry for so many years, whither next?
Who
will be the new Laureate? The post is in the Queen's gift, of course,
although
she will no doubt be advised by her Prime Minister. Had this
tragic
event occurred a year, ago, this correspondent would unhesitatingly
have
backed Miss Julianne Fulbright to succeed to the laurel wreath, but
this
year's rising star is clearly Mr Rudyard Kipling. (from our Literary
Correspondent)
MUNDAY
MOURNING Respected Conservative backbencher Sir Magnus Munday
has
been
savagely killed at his London home, it is presumed by the crazed
vigilante
Th
e Shark.
A note attached to the body said simply "The sins of the
fathers...".
Mrs Gloria Derothshire, Sir Magnus's daughter, who shares his
dwelling
since her separation from the disgraced (alleged) former Home
Secretary,
was fortunately absent at the time of the attack. The 'Munday
Club',
the influential group of MPs Sir Magnus headed, has already
regrouped,
and favourite to lead it is its newest member, Mr William
Tamworth-Smith,
the Member for Southampton.
ACCRA
A WORLD POWER The West African state of Accra, shepherded by
the
guiding
hand of Professor Moriarty, has developed in leaps and bounds,
industrializing
rapidly on the back of some skilfully-acquired patents,
without
losing the social welfare, equability and natural charm of its
surroundings.
It can now truly be said to stand on the world stage, and
seeks
to exchange ambassadors with other nations. Pundits estimate that its
economy
is on a par with that of Bavaria or Spain.
CHOCOLATE
FACTORY Mr Ferdinand Lancelot Gaboon has announced the
foundation
of a new factory for the production of his successful range of
comestibles,
although its location is a closely-guarded secret. This kindly
gentlemen,
who loves children more dearly than virtually anyone, has also
established
a string of orphanages with his profits, training the children
in practical
skills as well as circus arts, and as much chocolate as they
can
eat (plus free dental care).
STONE
WAVE HEALTH TERROR Hamilton Industries, the British Stone Wave
agent,
has announced the results of medical studies showing that prolonged
exposure
to the mysterious waves is highly injurious to health. Squads of
engineers
have toured the country, deactivating Stone boxes and closing
down
all broadcasters. This ha led to furious protests and yet more cases
of the
unfortunate Mr Stone being burned in effigy. He is now thought to
face
legal action, with millions of blighted listeners, watchers and phone
users
demanding compensation for their destroyed healths. Lord Hamilton
cannot
escape censure, too. Elsewhere in Europe, the news quickly spread,
leading
to riots up and down Italy in particular as Stone cinemas were
smashed
to bits. This booming industry has been effectively destroyed by
Lord
Hamilton's announcement, with none now daring to go near a Stone box
for
fear of their lives. Thousands of workers in the film and broadcast
industries
have been laid off, share prices have plummeted, hapless
investors
have flung themselves out of windows in numbers. The only people
looking
smug through all this woe are the Prussians, who had the good sense
to ban
StoneVision before it was even launched in their country, and people
who
invested in the until-recently-thought-dead technology of Colonel
Maguire's
Cinema-to-Graph, which may be rather tame in comparison with
StoneVision
but has the great merit of not actually killing you while you
watch
it.