JOKES
"Doctor, I can't pronounce
my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer
than that then."
A woman in a supermarket
sees a deal offering 5 boxes of tampax for £1
She can't believe how good
the deal is and asks the manager "is
this deal correct?"
"Yes madam, 5 boxes for a
pound, no strings attached."
"Doc, I can't stop singing
the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones
syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each
other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated
this morning."
"I don't believe you," said
Dolly
"It's true, straight up no
bull!"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist
wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I
can clearly see you're nuts."
A man takes his Rottweiler
to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's
have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going
to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's fucking
heavy."
Man goes to his GP with a peanut
stuck in his left ear.
"What can I do to get it out?"
he asks pathetically.
"Pour warm chocolate in the
right ear and tilt your head" replies the Doc.
"How the bloody hell will
that help?"
"Easy", replies the Doc, "When
the chocolate cools it should come
out a Treat....."
There were two church-going
women gossiping in front of a store
when a cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around
behind his horse and slapped
his mouth full on its rectum.
One of the stunned women cried:
"That's disgusting, why did you do
that?" to which the cowboy
replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the woman continued,
"Does that make them feel better?".
"No," said the cowboy, "but
it stops me from licking them."