1999 Darwin Awards

It's that time of year again!! Latest Darwin Award nominees: (the Darwin
award, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute
to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene
pool before they have a chance to breed).


A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
because he had no money to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not
surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.


A 34 yr. old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, police said. He was approximately 6' 2" and 225 lb. He was
wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a
woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's
uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the
filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The
other end of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden section of
bedpost approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. This
was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause
of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family members very awkward".


Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when
another plane approached. It appears they decided to "moon" the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of the plane and

They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their


A police officer in Ohio responded to a call that was made to 911. She
had no details before arriving except that someone was reporting that
his father was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man
down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse
and to start CPR if necessary, she noticed burn marks around his
After the ambulance arrived and removed the man (who turned out to be
dead on
arrival at hospital), the police made a closer inspection of the couch,
and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions.
Upon flipping the couch over they discovered what caused his death.
Apparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
cushions, down into the hole and between two electric sanders (with the
sandpaper removed for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the... ahem...

shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him to death.


LOS ANGELES - Police officials would not release the name of a Pacoima
man who was found dead yesterday after responding to complaints from
neighbours that a bad smell was coming from his apartment.

Upon entering the apartment, officers were surprised to see that every
square inch of the apartment, including appliances and even the inside
of the toilet, were covered with pornographic images cut from magazines.

"The visual effect was very unsettling," said Officer Hradj of the
Pacoima Police."Because everything looked the same, you could not tell
where one wall ended and a doorway began." The surprises did not end
there, however.
Police described the man as having "concocted a wire frame around his
upon which he had taped various pornographic images, apparently so he
could freely move about his apartment without ever losing his close-up
view of nude

Small slits had been cut into the paper so he could find his way, but
according to Hradj, "He had almost no peripheral vision. He could barely
see a
thing." The man was found nude with this wire frame entangled in a
hanging lamp.

"We think he had been dusting," said another police officer, "because a
feather duster was lying nearby, and his head gear had somehow become
caught in the lamp, which was chained to the ceiling." The man allegedly
choked to death trying to extricate himself from his predicament.
According to his apartment manager, the white male in his mid-30's never
left his apartment, and had food delivered weekly. Funeral services are
for next week.

His next of kin requested that his name be withheld.


A 27 year-old French woman lost control over her car on a highway near
Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and
killing her. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have
qualified for a Darwin nomination were it not for the fact that the
driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which
had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In attempting
to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman
her own.


A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use
occy straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee
off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said
Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps
wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle
at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ...and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a
police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because
his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled
was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
Carmichael said.

Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma." An autopsy
is scheduled for later in the week.


A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a
friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what
happened from here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was


Several years ago, in a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized
warehouse noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management
evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of
ignition - lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated,
two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To
their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described
vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket, and
retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the
lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away.

Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually
untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing
the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.