North versus South

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE NORTH:

NAME _________________________
NICK-NAME ____________________
GANG NAME ____________________

1.   Deco has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Vinno for
300 quid and 90 grams to Tomo for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value
of the rest of his hold?
2.   Anto pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a royde, how many
roydes per day must each brasser perform to support Vinno's 500 quid a day
crack habit?
3.   Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid,
to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?
4.   Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If
his common law wife spends 33,100 per month, how much money will be left
when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing
the slapper that spent his money?

5.   If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the
average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with
eight
fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6.   Liamo steals Eamo's skateboard. As Liamo skates away at a speed of
35mph,Eamo loads his brother's armalite. If it takes Eamo 20 seconds to
the gun, how far will Liamo have travelled when he gets whacked?

MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN THE SOUTH:
NAME ___
(if longer, please continue on separate sheet)
SCHOOL____________________

1.   Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and
killing three people. The old man asks his local TD to intervene in the
court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y.
The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance
settlementfor the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving
now?
2.   Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand
products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of
a
month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even
notice the difference. Is she thick or what?
3.   Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has
enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol,
how
is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?
4.   If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit a size
8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has
to
make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?
5.   Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he
fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.
However he only has access to the Hoover  every third week. When does his
Sunday Independent column start?